Gummy Worms
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: Candy is dandy, but Kensei disagrees when it's Mashiro's turn to cook. Drabble.


Disclaimer: Do not own, yadda yadda.

So I read in one of the Bleach data books that Mashiro once tried giving the Vizards candy for dinner when it was her turn to make food...then this happened. XD Rated T for some sexual innuendo and oblivious!Mashiro.

Enjoy!

* * *

Shinji knew the warning signs.

First, there was the twitching of the eyebrow, made all the more prominent thanks to the gold piercing. Then, the huffy breathing, like Kensei's just run several laps without stopping. Then, the clenching of his gloved fists. And, finally;

"What the hell is this?!"

Unsurprisingly, the outburst was directed at Mashiro, as was much of Kensei's perpetual state of outrage. Shinji wonders which came first- that temper of his or his lieutenant.

"Eh?" returned the green-haired waif.

"Don't 'eh' me!" Kensei barked.

The other Vizards had been expecting this, of course, and were now spectators. Hachi sighed, the exhalation ruffling his moustache.

"Mashiro, it was your turn to cook dinner!" Kensei scolded, slamming a fist on the table.

Mashiro pouted.

"Well, duh!" she proclaimed, childishly sticking out her tongue, which only served to further incite Kensei's rage. "That's what I've been doing all afternoon, baka-Kensei!"

Kensei actually growled.

"Why, you-!"

"Stupid, don't you know food when you see it?"

"This is NOT food!"

"Yes it is!"

"It's fucking candy!"

Mashiro giggled. No matter how outraged Kensei got with her, she never was the slightest bit intimidated by it. Shinji reflected that this was exactly Kensei's problem; he wanted people (read: Mashiro) to take him seriously, but when his ridiculously short temper turned everything into a drama, it was hard to discern when he was being serious about something and when he was just being, as Lisa so aptly put it, a total bitch.

"Candy _is_ food, baka-Kensei!" Mashiro retorts, planting one hand sassily on her spandex-clad hip as she reached towards the table.

Truthfully, it was quite am impressive spread; Mashiro had returned from shopping with several bags full of food…it was just that nobody realized until she called them all over to grab dinner that it had literally been bag after bag of candy. Jawbreakers, chocolate, lollipops, gum, ice-cream, fudge, toffee littered the tables, most of it arranged in patterns on plates or stuffed into bowls. So it's not like Mashiro had left everyone to starve, it was just that she apparently was trying to give everybody either a bad sugar rush or some serious tooth-ache. Possibly both.

Mashiro's gloved fingers pluck a red-and-green striped gummy snake off a nearby plate, wiggling it at Kensei.

"See?"

Kensei is about to resume shouting at Mashiro for trying to feed everybody candy, but he suddenly stops short. His voice comes out in a surprised grunt as Mashiro raises the snake to her mouth, the head of the candy reptile disappearing past Mashiro's pouty lips. The green half of the snake dangles down past her chin as she licks the raspberry top half of the snake, the visible part of the jelly half shining slightly with saliva.

"See, baka-Kensei, it's _gooood._" Mashiro giggles, pulling it out of her mouth again, her tongue stained slightly red as she waves the offending sweet at him. "Try one! They're nice!"

Kensei doesn't anger. His fists are clenching so hard he's sure that any moment his knuckles may burst from beneath the leather. He's now speechless, but for an entirely different reason from when he first saw the candy-laden table. Instead, now Kensei's eyes are fixed on Mashiro's lips, which are in a playful, innocent smile. She pulls the snake back, a pout forming as she realizes Kensei's not going to take this particular bait.

"Well, _I_ like 'em!" she asserts, childishly, putting the sweet almost defiantly back into her mouth. This is about all Kensei can take.

"Fuck it all!"

He throws his hands up into the air in the universal language for 'I give up'. He stomps off, his face growing hotter as he replays that image in his mind's eye. He isn't sure what's more aggravating, the fact she wasn't even trying to taunt him (at least not like _that)_, or that he was now going to have to go buy himself some proper dinner…as soon as he'd calmed down, anyway.

As Kensei went off in the direction of his room, Mashiro finishes her snack and turns back to the group, a puzzled expression overtaking her features.

"What's up with him?" she asked, and everybody else resists the strong impulse to facepalm.

Lisa puts a sisterly arm around Mashiro's shoulders and steers her back to the table, smirking slightly as the green-haired girl becomes distracted by the treats in front of her.

"Never mind, Mashiro, just dig in."

"Yay!"

Lisa shares a smirk with Shinji and nods towards the table, where the others are now cautiously picking at their sugary dinner.

"Let's just say, I don't think_ that _is the kind of sugar Kensei has in mind."

* * *

This wasn't what I had in mind when I first set out to write this, buuut I'm amused by the results. Oh, Kensei. XD

Thanks for checking it out~!


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